a reading of the future in the past tense ... now.

Post-Chicken Tom (2017-2034)

Post-Chicken Tom (PCT) were a Canadian post-post-punk band out of Toronto, active for 17 years until the group went carnivorous and ate their lead trianglist, Tom. Tom was the group’s namesake for eating chicken, which bound the six members together throughout time and space. Despite this, he met his demise when the group decided that his dense and thick muscles would be best served marinated in jerk sauce and thrown on the barbecue. The band ate Tom like a pack of jackals, leaving only Tom’s wine sack/liver. They fed the liver to the dogs, then watched the dogs argue, fight, and have sex, drunk dogs that they were.

 

Post-Tom (2034-present)

The remaining members of PCT took the self-induced loss of muscular trianglist Tom quite poorly. Tom’s death occurred after 3-time Grammy award winning piccolo player, Jungle Zack, introduced a consistent stream of PCP and adderall into the marijuana milkshakes he served the band every 3 hours. After being awake for over 50 hours, the group became delusional. Second-hand accounts suggest lead guitarist and looker Maverick Wilson (dubbed “Papa” by the band) pointed at Tom during a particularly violent tirade, shouting, “I WANT THE BLOOD OF THE CHICKEN ONE!”

First-hand accounts by the band members credit Maverick as convincing them that Tom was actually a chicken, and the feast began. So too did the new moniker: Post-Tom. The group now focus primarily on minimalist choir music, created entirely using theremins. Without the direction and talent of Tom on the triangle, it is uncertain whether the band will make anything listenable ever again, because theremins sound like a crying woman singing herself to sleep.